As I age and my life continues to take shape, relationships ebb and flow. Some more than others. Some rarely ebb. How long do we hold on?
This week, I silently ended a half a lifetime friendship. A complicated friendship, but at one time was an extremely close one. I am thankful for what was, and will treasure the memories.
Being a woman and him being a man has made it awkward for, well, I guess his relationships. That’s all I can assume as we haven’t had a deep or personal conversation in well over a decade. The last thing personal he told me was that people have advised him to stop hanging around a married woman. I believe he took that to heart.
After that, I can’t remember much we shared with each other. We only saw each other on special days like birthdays, showers, & his wedding. I was only updated about his life after the fact through social media.
However, I feel cast aside, and perhaps rightfully so as he is a devoted husband and now father. While I understand the change he has made, I can’t deny the hurt it has caused me to feel.
Therefore, I decided to make a healthy choice, for me, to end our friendship with a very quiet exit. As far as I know he will never read this. We are no longer socially connected as I am no longer connected with his family or shared friends who were truly his friends, not much mine.
So why am I writing this under appreciation? Good question.
One, it was a great friendship while it lasted. We did a lot of fun and stupid shit growing up. He was always there for me and my family. I tried to do the same for him, but I probably wasn’t as great at it. All things come to an end. Nothing is forever. The friendship we had was already gone and what is left isn’t what I consider friendship.
Two, it’s fairly new for me to be able to move on. I am grateful that I can. And while I am saddened by being aware of the loss of something I actually lost over a decade ago, I am glad I am able to finally acknowledge my place and can finally move forward.
So, thank you, universe, for what was and for my ability to acknowledge and move on.
Awareness isn’t always a bubbly experience, but there is always growth in it and I feel an inch taller.